Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
