So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
