i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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