new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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