i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
