you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
