I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
