it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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