in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
