guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
