I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
