Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
