i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
