Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
