I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
