woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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