Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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