Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
