It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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