I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
