I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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