Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
