yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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