Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
