I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
