Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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