turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
