something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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