Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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