Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
