why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
