Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
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