"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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