I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
