Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
