You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
