Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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