hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
