Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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