Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
