i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
