At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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