He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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