I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
