Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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