You really coming over, don't trick.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
