he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm both gender and math confused
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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