sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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