SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
