Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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