i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
